I feel very pressure nw... after i get 2gether wv him, after i come bek home... after days n days past... i feel like inside myself gt many types of feeling tat cant b say out... the only i can feel n say out is pressure... y? y? y? y i wil feel so? i also dono... is it i stil use 2 the life tat b4 i get 2gether wv him? tat freedom n i can do wat i wan n no need 2 tell any1... m i tat kind of ppl tat head for freedom n nt restrain... i knw i m tat kind of ppl tat i wan somethg i mean it... but i din think of can i make it... i m usually like tat... do wat i wan... but after i get 2gether wv him... i knw i hv 2 change a little bit of my ways... but is it mean i need 2 change myself 2 suit another? although he say b4 i no need change anythg... but, sometime he wil keep complaining me this n tat... wan me this n tat... i knw normally myself dono hw 2 do tat he wan... but bcoz of he wan it n i did it, is it mean tat i m changing myself? i m doubting of all these... it gona drives me crazy... sometime i really feel tat y he wil like tat? y he cant like tat? y this n tat... many problems arise... is like having a dream... inside gt bad n gd thg happen... i dono wat decision i should make... mayb most ppl wil say faster wake up n end it... but the main prob is although i don wan all those bad dreams... but i DON WAN 2 WAKE UP... y having a partner life is so so so hard 2 walk... until nw, i stil miss the time i m single, tat kind of bored but freedom life... these days i keep thinking n thinking, should i give a long break 2 this relationship n enjoying my soon starting uni life 1ST or continue with all these? i m lost... lost of ideas... can i demand for a 3 yrs break from him? i knw it may hurt him... but... if continue like tat both also wil get hurt... but can i b so selfish? i nt willing 2 do so also... but, i knw wat he wants... he also thinking when me go bek aimst, wil hv more time wv him n so on... days ago, i start thinking of the life i want when i go bek aimst... jz almost same as the life i doing my foundation, but i wana spend more time on my study... really... i don wan being look down or disappoint my parents anymore... n i knw tat i m easy lost concentrate de ppl... so, wat m i going 2 do if i need most concentrate on my study? actually if u give me 2 choose nw... between study n him... i wil hard 2 choose... but at last i wil choose study... or m i nt suitable 2 hv a partner? cz wat i don like is restrain... the more he care me the more i feel restrain... but 4 him caring his gf is a must... most of ppl also think tat rite? so? i realy a weird ppl... i wan this but don wan ppl like tat... haha... is so ridiculous... i don like 2 be under control.. i gt try 2 ask my fren about wat she wil do if she is under this situation... she also dono... same as me nw... i also dono... mayb i n him come from different environment... wat the ppl around me usually do is nt the same as the ppl around him usually done... so we always wil quarral bcoz of a small prob... n i knw he ald try his best... did wat he can... the prob is from me... i realy very troublesome... if he can stand my ways of living... mayb the prob wil nt b a prob or wil b easy 2 solve... the reality is he cant stand it... he say he always suffer bcoz of my words... my acts... arrgh... wat m i going 2 do? can u all tat read this give me an ans or advice... i m totally LOST... i knw he wil read this, n i knw he wil start 2 suffer n sad n mayb wil ask me y n ask a lot of ques... or beg me this n tat... but i stil wana say out wat i feel inside myself... sorry dear... although 2gether wv u i realy feel happy (sometimes) but i also feel suffer n sad in the sametime... i realy dono wat i should do... i knw these may hurt u deeply, i stil gona say sorry... i din mean anythg... i jz say out wat i feel... until nw... i realy gt thgs din tell u... cz when i wan tell u tat time we start quarral n i keep it for the next day... the next day i gt many thgs 2 tell u n left out n so n so... the thgs keep inside my heart n grow at thr, in the end i stil din tell u... i gt my own ways 2 live n my own ways 2 solve thg n mayb u nt use 2 it... but these yrs i always do tat... i realy hard 2 change myself 2 suit u... n u also no need change urself 2 suit me... cz we r fr different environment... i don wan u 2 suffer... n mayb u wil say i too over... but i realy miss the life as i at aimst... my foundation life is the happiest life i hv gone through.. n i also miss the life like we jz knw each other... u gt ur time 2 do ur thgs n i gt my time 2 do my thgs n watever i do i no need 2 tell any1, mayb sometime wil tell u like tat... i realy nt use 2 ppl always ask me whr r u nw? eat d? going whr 2day or gt go out 2day? wv who? wake up d? hw u feel? n so on... it feel like i being restrain n control n i wil start 2 feel annoyed if this continue for a long time... don treat me like a kids... i gt my own freedom... n my opinion is although i gt a partner, doesnt mean tat i cant continue the life i wan n hv 2 b under one's control... i m so so so sorry 2 u... hope u wil understand... i din mean anythg... really... sorry....
